Are you sure you are "nice"? Or are you just scared?

Are you sure you are "nice"?

I watched X men with Joyce yesterday at Dhoby Ghaut. Being school holidays,  the cinema was quite crowded with kids. During the movie, there were two boys sitting behind me, and two girls beside us. One of the boys sitting behind was giving a running commentary on the show and was disturbing me. I turned around,  gave him a finger to lip motion, smiled, and  say thanks. Not sure if he saw my smile though. After the show, the two girls beside Joyce stood up and left. And as soon as they were out of earshot, Joyce immediately turned to me, and  startedscolding them under her breath. She kept saying that they were talking during  the show, and were disturbing her. I watched X men with Joyce yesterday at Dhoby Ghaut. Being school holidays, the cinema was quite crowded with kids. During the movie, there were two boys sitting behind me, and two girls beside us. Something like this: SCREEN Me - Joyce- Girl 1 - Girl 2 Boy 1 - Boy 2 One of the boys sitting behind was giving a running commentary on the show and  was disturbing me. I turned around,  gave him a lip to figer motion, smiled, and say  thanks. Not sure if he saw my smile though. After the show, the two girls beside Joyce stood up and left. And as soon as they were out of earshot, Joyce immediately turned to me, and started scolding them under her breath. She kept saying that they were talking during the show, and were disturbing her. I was quite perplexed. Why did she not tell the girls to keep quiet DURING the show, rather than just grin and bear with it, then explode after the show? I told her that. And she just dismissed me. And went back to ranting about the girls, and how people in Singapore are so inconsiderate. Nice? Or scared? This kind of behavour is actually quite common in Singapore, and sadly, many of these people think that they are being "nice" and "kind" not to exert their rights in public. There is a HUGE difference between being nice, and being scared to do something. My personal definition of a nice person is someone who is able to do something, but  resists it out of compassion or kindness. It is critical that you are able to do it if you want to.  For example, if I am a Grandmaster world champion martial arts expert, and I am able to kill  a person with one flick of my finger. I go to a bar, and this guys tries to pick a fight.  Instead of fighting him, I walk away. Thats being nice. Thats being kind. Because I know  I can fight him, but I choose not to. Back to the cinema scenario. I knew I could turn around and "Shhhh" those boys behind me. If I restrained myself and let them continue talking, I would have been nice. But since I am not a nice guy, I still "Shhhhed" them. However.... If you are not able to do the action because of fear, and you walk away. Then you are not  being "nice". You are acting out of fear, and using "nice" to justify your actions. It is critical to recognise the difference. Otherwise, you will live your entire life in fear, and be disillusioned to think you are a "nice" person. So what if you are fearful? The most important thing to realise is that: Its ok to be scared.  Nobody popped out of their mothers womb with the courage to do everything in the world. So if you feel the fear, and are unable to act because of it, admit it. Being truthful to yourself is paramount. Because if you continue to hide behind the facade of  "nice-ness",  you will  never be able to breakthrough. Admit your fear.  Instead of being angry at others for XX action, be angry at yourself for not having the  courage to tell them off.

This article originated from CourageGym.